Gen Y Boomerangs Home

My husband and I were having a conversation about the daughter of friends of ours, a really nice girl who just graduated college, and is temporarily living in her parents’ New York City apartment. In a few days she’s moving to their London apartment while she does a summer internship. She’s also planning to spend a bit of time in their Rome apartment.

Nice digs if you can get them.

This brought back memories of the months our son lived at home with us after college before he got a job and saved enough money to rent an apartment with some friends (in Brooklyn, of course).

So it really hit home when I came upon the lastet “Your Money” column in The New York Times: “When the Fledglings Return to the Nest” (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/11/your-money/household-budgeting/11money.html?hp). Some of the questions raised in the article we never even considered. Like there was no question that my son (and next his then-girlfriend) could live with us until they got on their feet—and we have only a two-bedroom apartment. (For the few weeks my daughter was home at the same time, well, let me say I’m glad they’re both alive.) The next question, should they pay rent—for us that was also a non-issue. Like why? On the other hand, my perfectly normal cousin, who lives outside of Chicago, charged her daughter some kind of token rent, and this girl is now self sufficient and perfectly well adjusted and loving and kind and beautiful and living in London. I can see no ill effects. But for us, part of the point was that our son save money so he could get out. (At this point, I will also confess that although he has been “self-sufficient” for three years, I still pay his cell phone bill. We have a “family” plan, and I guess that’s one of my “family values.”)

Naturally, while he was home, he ate food from our refrigerator. We didn’t charge him for that either. But without us even asking, he cooked at least one night a week, cleaned up the kitchen, and helped with household chores. To this day he goes shopping in our refrigerator when he comes home for dinner—usually leftovers. However, here’s another confession. I’m an enabler. I frequently make sure that I have a Zabar’s rye or other delicacy he can’t get in Brooklyn. (Can’t get in Brooklyn? He’s not likely to admit the possibility, though he is grateful for the rye bread.)

I do recommend this article. I have also perused the books Ron Lieber mentions because they resonate with the Generation BSquared crowd—and they’re pretty sensible reads. And yes, Generation Y boomeranging home can be a serious concern. The college tuition may have been paid, but parents are bound to be spending money on an adult child that they may have thought they’d be spending on something else.

My son moved out after about three or four months, but moved back in again when he was between apartments a year later, this time for only two months. Then I waited for my daughter to show up after college, bags in hand. Except, her stint was only two months long because she went right to Law School and right into their housing. I was proud, a little relieved too. But also disappointed. Last weekend she was babysitting late for people in our building (summer law internships don’t pay especially well), and she slept over! What a treat. We thought about watching a movie, but we were tired, so we just talked.

The room she stayed in, what had been my son’s and daughter’s room, has been redone into my study. There’s a full-size bed and a pull-out full-size couch. We say we did this so that if they don’t settle in New York City, when they come visit with their families (yes, we’re looking through that telescope), there will be plenty of room.

But meanwhile, we refer to it as her room. The closets are full of her junk. And if she should actually need to live there—and I really hope she doesn’t because she doesn’t want to—well, it’s there. New sheets. Fresh paint. Bose Radio. Flat-screen TV.

A nice enough space for an adult child.